How The Nightmares Started
by Temeraria
Summary: Desmond had never met someone more insufferable than Lucy. The sentiment was returned. - Rebecca/Shaun implied, as sexual references and intense language. Rated M; just to be safe.


"When did the nightmares start?" Shaun laced his fingers and watched Desmond with a reproachful gaze.

Desmond looked away, mildly embarrassed at the prospect of confessing him what he was about to confess. "Uh, well, it all started with me and Lucy chatting…"

* * *

"I can't let you have a girlfriend," Lucy informed with a clipped tone. Desmond merely raised an eyebrow at her statement, not quite surprised, but even less pleased.

"Why?"

"You can develop a relationship with one and spill all the crucial information," her eyes narrowed. "I'm not taking the risk."

Desmond scoffed at the prospect of him obtaining a girlfriend, instead, he walked towards the couch; falling on top of its soft white leather exterior with no visible effort. "Neither am I."

Lucy stopped staring at her chewed fingernails, shocked at his words. "What? Isn't a man of your age in search for sex and feelings?" she bit her lower lip and closed her eyes for the briefest of moments, trying to maintain that aloof demeanor she used so much in front of him. It was slipping.

Desmond immediately grinned, crossing his arms under his head in a make-shift pillow. It was a rather stiff pillow. "Sex sounds great," he admitted, "but I don't think I'll be able to handle a relationship were she would be in constant danger and I'll have to confess to her I'm an assassin." He attempted a shrug, but it looked more like a squirm. "I just won't deal with that kind of shit."

The blonde was silent with his resolution, her innards lurching with a sensation of hope. A possibility. "Then, I can't let you get hooked up with whores." Now it was Desmond's carefree demeanors turn to slip away.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want a member of the team being a walking STD nest," she chided. Desmond was not amused. He stood up with one swift movement, looking down at Lucy with a disapproving look. A hidden twinkle of amusement hid in the depths of his foreboding gaze.

"Then, what about my _needs_, Lucy?" His voice was deathly serious, dark eyes narrowing with accentuated frustration. Lucy was at a loss for words, her throat dry.

"That's none of _my_ concern, Desmond." Her voice was small. "Take care of them yourself."

He chuckled in a sultry manner, his intimidating figure leering even closer. "Not the same, Luce." She was trapped between her desk and him, a tension of unknown emotions building up between the two. He wasn't the only sexually frustrated being in the whole base. She could, at least, sympathize with _that_.

"We manage," she spat at him, making a reference of the whole team. "You'll figure it out." She tried pushing him away, her sixth sense growing louder with each passing breath. She needed out.

Desmond's hands slid onto the desk's cool surface, trapping her even further. "What if I don't want to find an…" he grinned broadly, "…alternative?" His charms were exceedingly tantalizing, and it took the female assassin more than a few mental jibes to function properly.

"Enough is enough, Desmond. Stop acting like your god damned Auditore ancestor and _back off._"

"Feisty, are we?"

She shoved him away. "I said-"

Desmond smashed his lips on Lucy's partially open mouth, wounding his tender flesh with her pristine teeth. The frustration and anger welled up a dire sensation of need, causing both individuals to momentarily forget about their quarrel and continue to lick up whatever remains of desperate ardor they could find. Desmond viciously pulled her closer, delving even deeper into her mouth. Lucy, in exchange, moaned loudly, letting all her pent up hunger run loose. They abruptly pulled away simultaneously, staring at each other with mute panic. Their crazed gazes searched for a logical explanation, both parties at an utter loss for words. They simply gripped each other arms with bruising strength, unable to process just _what the fuck_ had happened. Desmond started to speak first, but was cut short when Lucy opened her mouth to object. There wasn't anything to be said. Not quite.

"Not a word, Desmond," she was finally able to choke out. "Not a single fucking word."

Desmond quirked a brow, but made no comment. Instead, he scratched the back of his neck in a sheepish manner. He awkwardly looked at her cheek, noticing some saliva residue. Trying to be chivalrous, he reached forward and wiped away the moist. Lucy was fidgeting on her feet, unable to come up with an excuse to either her behavior or to leave. She couldn't even ask him why the fuck he just touched her face. Not like she was complaining… _not at all._

She tried to compose herself, for she always was the collected leader that was always seemingly unaffected. Always. But no sir, not that moment; for her blush was brutal and her hands were twitching like a madman on drugs. She was _affected_ and such thing was downright delirious. It was hysterical. And Desmond, being the perceptive assassin he was, took notice of such. She was embarrassed.

"Lucy, are you blushing?" he had to take advantage of her weakness and finally take a glimpse into that feminine interior she, oh so, desperately hid. He _had to._ No objections.

Lucy was rendered speechless, her insides bubbling with embarrassment and panic. "Okay! T-That's it! You've g-g-gotten too… muuuch… t-time out of the anim-mus." She was _stuttering_, the great, untouchable, aloof, demanding, cool, condescending Lucy was... _stuttering._ Or maybe her lipstick held toxins that were making Desmond go crazy. Either way, it was a very amusing sight to behold. Desmond, being none the wiser, decided to actually demonstrate Lucy just how fucking amused he was. Needless to say, he nearly lost a tooth, a sack of sperms, and an eyeball.

Nest thing they know, they were both wrestling on the couch, one of them trying to save his beloved while the other was struggling to achieve vandalism. Neither succeeded. But, of course, in the long shot, Desmond was heavier and stronger, and thus Lucy was defeated by the ever clever Desmond.

"_Bella mia!_" he teased with a breathless laugh, his chest heaving with effort.

"Oh, yes, of course Desmond! Just flaunt around some of that Auditore charm your god damned ancestor perfectly developed centuries ago! _Centuries!_" she cried outraged, feeling trapped and even more little that before. Why did the Bleeding Effect have to be this efficient? _Why?_

"Now, now, no need to be so... fucking" she swiped her claws at him. "Ugh! Fuck! Savagery! This is _savagery!_" He was cowering away from her not-so-lethal blows, his weight crushing her stomach and making her squirm even more desperately.

"Get. The. Fuck." She jerked him sideways. "Off! You bitch!"

They ended up on the floor once again, their teeth somehow getting involved in the vicious struggle. Desmond's genes were completely oblivious to the prospect of 'chivalry' and Lucy's instincts were reciting macabre chants from hell. Soon, physical blows were not enough, and they had to support their jibes with rude observations.

"Your tits are small!"

"You need to shave!"

"You look like those kindof girls that scream a lot during sex!"

"You… you… YOU COME TOO FAST!"

"What the fu-"

She punched him in the jaw. He groped her tits. She kneed his sack.

"Oh _fuck_." Both Desmond and Lucy were startled, the sentence 'you can't even give oral to your mom properly' hanging thickly in the air. They were both disheveled and blushing furiously. Desmond was cradling his 'underdeveloped penis with genetically fucked up nano-sized testicles', as Lucy kindly named. She, in exchange, was too worried wondering why she thought she heard Shaun moan. _What even?_

Needless to mention; both Lucy and Desmond were baffled. They simply stared at the door and each other, trying to come up with something to say. "Did he… did he just…?" Desmond was ignoring her, concentrating on his trousers and his lose belt. Lucy immediately growled under her breath.

"Desmond," She said slowly, "I'm not fucking a primitive _ape_."

The male assassin scowled, his glare accentuated by his fumbling hands. "And I'm not fucking a crazy psychotic bitch." Lucy snorted. "I'm just making sure you didn't permanently wound assassins in potential." His voice was smug, and all the blonde could do was sit up and quirk a brow.

"And with what medical skills do you plan using, Desmond? The art of curing a fucking martini?" She scoffed and grabbed the hilt of his belt. "If you want a fucking medical examination, you will get a fucking medical examination." She stared at his eyes with burning ardor. "Ready, patient?"

"If my balls weren't in so much pain, I would think you were about to fuck me."

"I'll take that as a 'Yes, ma'am', seeing that you're an incompetent git that's unable to compose coherent responses."

"It _hurts_," Desmond hissed with irritation. "Stop the smart-ass remarks and _get to it_."

Lucy pursed her lips and undid his belt with one fluid motion; she then jerked his pants down and hooked the edge of his trousers. Desmond was breathing in deeply, his chocolate colored eyes gleaming with expectations. His boxers were officially removed.

"Okay, let's see what we have here," her voice was tiny, if not, plain inexistent. Desmond's jaw was agape, completely shocked at the prospect of Lucy actually examining his _dick_. And not even in pleasurable ways. Which kind of _sucked._ But who was he to complain?

He couldn't even face her. "I think there's a-"

"Nope."

"You didn't even-"

She shot him a stern glare. "Desmond, _shut up._ Your dick is fine, all I can see is mild swelling."

"Swelling?" he nearly shrilled with horror. "That's not good! I should go to see a doctor! Oh my god!"

"Desmond, calm down, I _am _a me-"

"No! You're insane! Get away from there!"

"Wha-"

Desmond _kicked_ her away, while he was desperately tugging up his pants in panic. He tripped and squirmed, just as Lucy managed to stand up. She covered her face with the palm of her right hand, mildly dazed with his chivalrous antics. Really, who the fuck kicks a girl willingly touching your dick? _Asshole._

"Desmond, you fucking son of a bitch!" Her eyes bled fury.

He barked a mangled laugh. "You insult the great Altaïr!"

"I'm going to fuck you up!" She was about to lunge at Desmond, who was still in the process of pulling up his pants, when a lose cough snared both individuals attention. Lucy was reaching for Desmond, who was in pose that was similar to the "doggy" fashion. They took note of this with a horrorstruck expression.

"I'm terribly sorry for interrupting your…_ fun time._" Shaun was standing in the doorway in a nonchalant manner, his voice aloof and indifferent. "But I just wanted to inform you that the pizza delivery has arrived." He sighed in an exasperated manner. "Don't fret, you hormonal creatures, _I'll_ go pay." With that, he was gone, leaving behind two flustered assassins.

"I think we should go and explain," Desmond said awkwardly. Lucy was pinching the bridge of her nose, wondering why she deserved all of this.

"I swear to god, Desmond, one more words and I'll shove everything up your ass!"

"Now that's what I call kinky!"

Desmond whirled around to face Rebecca, who was standing in the same place Shaun was. She continued to speak over Lucy's horrified expression. "It's good to know our guys aren't homosexuals, eh?" She winked. "You'd be quite surprised just how _wild_ Shaun can get."

Desmond nearly vomited. "No! Rebecca, this is just a grave misunderstanding!" He was waving his hands around in panic, his expression conveying nothing but disbelief. He didn't get anything but a kiss and a swollen cock; and amidst the frenzied confusion, he decided to comment this out loud.

"A swollen dick? Holy shit, Lucy. I never knew you were _that_ wild."

Lucy covered her face in embarrassment, feeling her accursed stutter starting to emerge from the shadows. She tried to tone down her mortification one notch. "Um… y-yeah."

"WHAT?" Desmond couldn't believe what he just heard. Did Lucy just admit she fucked him like a savage?

"Whoo! We can double-date!"

Lucy smiled and shot Desmond that venomous glare that spoke volumes. "Sure! I'm sure _Dessy _here won't mind." She strained her smile, indicating him to play along if he didn't want to lose his precious 'assassins in potential.'

"What about a foursome?" Desmond finally piped in. Lucy stared at him like his just grew a pair. "I'm sure _Luce_ here won't mind."

Rebecca was grinning like a maniac. "Anytime!" She then left to search for Shaun, stating that he better not get into another logical debate with the poor pizza delivery guy. Lucy took this moment to glance at Desmond.

"You know what? I don't really mind." She finally sighed with resignation, rolling her eyes. "At least you and I will get some." With that said, she headed for the door, halting for a brief moment and glancing back at him. "Albeit, you'll have to endure watching how Rebecca gives Shaun some head. Take a moment to picture that, please."

Desmond had nightmares ever since.

* * *

Oh, phew, thank god I'm done with this. I had it in my files, so I decided to wrap it up. I need to mention some things, though:

1. Lucy was stuttering when he was so close, why didn't she faint when she was seeing his dick? Well. When a woman is pissed and determined, shit kind of happens. And this is crack, and making her faint would've killed it all.

2. I feel like it get shittier as it goes on, but meh. Whatever. I just wanted to get over with it.

3. I missed writing humor. Even though I suck at it. I also missed Assassin's Creed and it's awesome.

Thank you reading and, if you do, thank you for reviewing.


End file.
